Priest’s First Mass

  1. Sip the vodka, don’t gulp
  2. There are 10 Commandments, not 12
  3. There are 12 disciples, not 10
  4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated
  5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass
  6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
  7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook
  8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the s*@t out of him
  9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass
  10. We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T”
  11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, “Take
    this and eat it for it is my body.” He did not say. “Eat me.”
  12. The Virgin Mary is not called, “Mary with the Cherry”
  13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God
  14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s